and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize