it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Can I color on your dick again?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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