This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
