On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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