Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
