haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
there is puke in my bra ... again
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