Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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