that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
