I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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