Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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