One girl and one boy is just not enough.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
