If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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