i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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