are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
