Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize