The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize