I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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