so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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