dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
