He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
