i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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