I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
