Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize