update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
