I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
