I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
