Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
either way he was missing a nipple.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
