somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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