there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
