Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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