i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize
