So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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