she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
