before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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