Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
