In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
