Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
