i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I have post one night stand depression
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
