So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
