Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
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