I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
im holly from the hills drunk
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
