You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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