I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
