Define "chronic" masturbator.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
