In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
