My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
