what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
