summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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