Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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