you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
