I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
