I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
