if you like me you must not know who I am
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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