I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
