you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
