It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
