My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
