He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
