I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
