You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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