if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
you made out with another girl for some wings
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
