I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
