tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We are two peas in an std pod
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I am available for nakedness
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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