They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
