Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
