he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
