we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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