Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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