I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
