How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
