I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize