I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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