things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
